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I plan to divorce my insincere husband, but fear the future

The Yomiuri ShimbunDear Troubleshooter:

I’m a midwife in my late 20s. I decided to divorce my husband, but I’m concerned about my future.

I married my husband because of an unplanned pregnancy after dating him for six years. At that time, he was having an affair with another woman. But I married him in consideration of my baby’s future.

When I had a hard time with my morning sickness or while searching for a house for us to live in, he disappeared. His girlfriend phoned to ask me to break up with him. He made me so angry.

As my health wasn’t good and people at my workplace understood my situation, I was allowed to take maternity leave earlier than usual. I went to my parents’ home to give birth.

When I suffered due to a threatened premature delivery, my husband didn’t contact me. I gave birth to twins and returned home with them. However, as he remained insincere, I decided to divorce him.

He said to me, “If I’m not granted paternal authority, I won’t pay anything for child care.” I filed for court arbitration over the matter. I’m concerned about the outcome.

After the divorce, I plan to work as a midwife at my parents’ home and raise my babies. My mother doesn’t want me to get a divorce, saying, “I feel sorry for your children.” Give me some advice to bolster my spirits.

N

Dear Ms. N:

You’ve already decided to divorce your husband. You probably don’t need any advice. You gave birth to your twins, are raising them and have even filed for court arbitration all by yourself. You can’t do these things without having a strong will.

It seems you are concerned about the result of arbitration. But don’t worry. Your husband’s self-centered attitude will never be accepted. Your mother is anxious about your plan simply because she doesn’t want you to live a tough life.

Think about it — if you were the child, what would you prefer? Your mother being frightened by the words and attitude of her husband whom she can’t totally trust and just endures things day by day, or if she has her own job and makes a desperate effort to make a living by herself? Fortunately, people at your workplace support you. So there’s nothing to complain about in order to start a new life.

Your parents are becoming older. You may feel uneasy about your finances. You may be also concerned you will have to tell your children what happened sometime in the future when they are old enough so that they understand the situation.

But your children won’t always need your care and protection. So, rather than thinking it is tough to have two children to raise, you should think that you have two children to support you later.

I’ll tell you one more thing. You are charming and have a strong mind, so you will probably attract men around you. You are still young. The future is totally on your side.

Hazuki Saisho, writer

(from Aug. 11, 2015, issue)Speech

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