The Yomiuri ShimbunDear Troubleshooter:
I’m a woman in my 40s, and I’m worried because I’ve fallen in love with my female boss.
I live with my husband and three children, who are all university students.
My boss is about my age and was transferred to my workplace about six months ago. She also has a family.
In the beginning, I thought she was really cool when I saw her tackle challenging work and calmly cope with mistakes made by subordinates. However, as time went by, I found myself constantly watching her. I began to become romantically interested in her, in a way that was more intense than adoration or admiration.
I’ve never had a romantic interest in a woman before. It feels like she is my first love. The more I try to suppress my feelings by thinking it’s wrong, the stronger the feeling becomes. It’s so tough and unbearable.
If the target of my love were a man, I probably wouldn’t have such an extraordinary feeling of guilt. How should I come to terms with my feelings for her and continue working with her?
W, Kanagawa Prefecture
Dear Ms. W:
I received your letter about a month ago. Is your love for her still in full bloom?
It seems you are worried that you are strange for feeling the way you do, but there is no rhyme or reason behind people falling in love. Even though the target of your love is a woman, it’s no different.
You are a free thinker, so you don’t have to deny how you feel. It’s not unusual for a woman to have romantic feelings toward a cool, reliable woman. I had a similar experience when I was a teenager.
However, it seems there is another cause for you to have such a feeling.
Maybe you feel empty now because your children have grown and don’t need your support so much. Or it may have something to do with your relationship with your husband. You shouldn’t make your family unhappy by exhibiting strange behavior.
Be aware that the situation you find yourself in is the same as a love affair with a man. You should feel guilty about this from that perspective, rather than from the perspective of falling in love with a woman.
So, how should you face up to this problem? What about doing nothing in particular? Maybe find out what she likes to read and what movies she likes so you can have conversations on similar topics.
Love helps people grow dramatically.
She probably has something attractive that neither you nor your husband have.
Why not try to learn from her, rather than looking at her with desire? Hiding your romantic feelings secretly in your mind can be beautiful, too.
Hazuki Saisho, writer