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My fiance relentlessly praises another woman

The Yomiuri ShimbunDear Troubleshooter:

I’m a female company employee in my 20s, and I’m upset because my fiance is always praising another woman in front of me.

That woman is the wife of his senior coworker.

She is beautiful, sociable, reliable and the mother of an adorable 2-year-old daughter. She looks marvelous to everyone.

Whenever my fiance sees a beautiful woman on TV or a photo of a friend of mine, he always mentions his coworker’s wife and says, “She is more beautiful.”

He praises not only her appearance, but also her mind and personality. He really means what he says.

I get an inferiority complex each time he mentions her name. I feel like saying to him, “Then, why are you with someone like me?” and “If you like her that much, why not look for a woman who’s like her and marry her?”

I can’t be anybody else. I feel ashamed for being so jealous. I have tried to change my way of thinking about these things, but I can’t stop how I feel. How should I deal with this and sort out my feelings?

Y, Saitama Prefecture

Dear Ms. Y:

He seems rather insensitive praising another woman in front of his fiancee. Or is it his intention to make you feel jealous of her so you will become more interested in him?

If this is so, I’d say he is either too naive about male-female relationships or is trying to control you. If you marry such a man, he may treat you badly or be unfaithful to you. I think you should call off your engagement before it’s too late.

However, before you do anything, I would like to ask you why you wrote nothing about his virtues or why you love him. Is it because you don’t want to make it clear that you really love him?

It’s a difficult matter, but why not try to make him think about who he is, how good and promising he can be and whether he really loves you. Forget about other people and honestly discuss with him how to build your relationship.

Taku Mayumura, writer

(from July 19, 2015, issue)Speech

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