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Every day I cry after my beloved wife died suddenly

The Yomiuri ShimbunDear Troubleshooter:

I’m a man in my 60s. My wife died suddenly and I don’t know how I can continue to live.

We lived together for 34 years and I loved her very much. Words such as tough and painful aren’t enough to describe my current feelings. Shamefully, I’m a grown man who cries every day.

I’m a talkative, timid person. When she was alive, I used to talk about trivial things to her almost every day.

When I wondered before coming to a decision about something, she would give me advice, saying things like, “You dummy! This one is better.”

Now I can’t have such conversations with her any more. I’m alone at home and have nobody to talk to.

Fortunately, our two sons completed all the procedures related to her funeral instead of me. They are so reliable.

My wife was a mother who successfully raised two sons that way. She was my wife as well as my dear sweetheart. I’m wondering if I can stop shedding tears after crying my heart out. Please give some words to this weak, gutless man.

 T, Osaka Prefecture

Dear Mr. T:

Please allow me to express my deepest condolences on the sudden death of your wife. I can understand how much you were shocked by it.

This is not a matter for which a third party can tell you what to do. If I were in your shoes, the only thing I would do is cry, too. Probably, I’d be crying every day. I’d cry and cry until I fall asleep. There is no other way if it would be the only way to soothe the sorrow.

I think the day will soon come when you have no choice but to accept the fact that your loved one has gone forever.

However, you have your loved one in your heart. I think you sometimes find yourself talking to this person, whose presence only you know. Because you are talkative, you probably tell your loved one what happens every day, as you did before she died.

You should not talk about things she dislikes. You should only talk about what makes her feel happy.

To do so, you should make efforts not to talk about and do things she would not like. I mean you should live your life in a way that won’t upset your wife. 

Tatsuro Dekune, writer

(from Sept. 29, 2015, issue) Speech

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