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I’m a man in my 40s, uneasy after relationship breakup

The Yomiuri Shimbun Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a company worker in my late 40s. Recently, I broke things off with my girlfriend after dating her for two years. I’m single at my age and have no girlfriend. Thinking about it, I suddenly began feeling uneasy about my future.

I’ve never lived without a girlfriend and I was married at one time. I’ve always been confident in getting a girlfriend without difficulty. When dating a specific woman, I’ve sincerely loved that woman alone. But each time, being with that woman wasn’t everything for me. I’ve also enjoyed my own time participating in volunteer activities and going to the gym.

I want to marry and also want to have a child. But when I think of the rest of my life, I become pessimistic thinking that I may not be able to meet a woman suited to me in the future. Also, I’m not certain if I can start over again in a marriage.

On the other hand, I can’t fall asleep once I start to worry I may have to live alone for the rest of my life. I haven’t felt that way in the past. Fortunately, my parents are in good health. I’m grateful for it.

How do people who give up marrying change their way of thinking? Please tell me the mindset I should have to live a satisfactory life without marrying.

K, Kanagawa Prefecture

Dear Mr. K:

You’re fainthearted despite your usual confidence. What happened?

You say you’ve never gone without dating a woman, so you probably feel writing a letter lacking confidence doesn’t suit you. You’re probably surprised at the feeling.

You’ve never thought about anything deeply, only dealt with things casually on a day-to-day basis.

Above all, you haven’t been considerate to your former girlfriends. You’ve thought only about yourself. If you were happy, you were satisfied and that was it.

That worked well when you were young, but now you find yourself in your late 40s.

If you suddenly feel fainthearted, I’m certain it’s because you’ve become older. How do you cope with it? You can’t overcome age boundaries.

Whether you stay single throughout your life will depend on your mental attitude and behavior. If you work sincerely and treat people kindly, people will not let you live alone. People judge others by their character. So mend your ways, take good care of your parents and be friendly to people.

Tatsuro Dekune, writer

(from March 24, 2016, issue)Speech

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