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Unable to find a partner, I’m fearing for my future

The Yomiuri ShimbunDear Troubleshooter:

I’m a divorced male company employee in my 40s, and living alone. Prior to this, I was living with my parents. When I envision myself having no one to talk to after retirement, my blood runs cold.

Although I registered with a matchmaking agency five years ago, I haven’t been able to meet a woman to marry. The agency would introduce me to someone, but one of us would turn the other down.

They tell me I shouldn’t have trouble finding a match since I’m good-looking and earn a decent income.

I was shattered when I got divorced. Although I know being single is carefree in some ways, I’ve started to realize that I don’t want to end up this way. I do have hobbies, but I’m not the sort of man who seeks out his buddies to get together and have fun.

I’m getting more down and starting to lose my morale at work. It’s as if I’ve fallen into a black hole. How can I get out of this situation?

M, Saitama Prefecture

Dear Mr. M:

You live alone now, after living with your parents.

You’re good-looking and earn a decent income. You prefer enjoying your hobbies alone, rather than getting together with your buddies.

With your background of having a divorce — which is said to be one of the most stressful events among all difficulties in life — I assume you are more sensitive to how others feel, compared to those who have never been in such circumstances. I certainly agree with your matchmaker saying you’ll eventually meet the person you are looking for.

Instead, I think the problem lies in the stage you are at — you are too obsessed with the idea of getting married.

I understand how weary you might be by now, after failing for five years. Consequently, there is an unfavorable air around you. I can imagine how a woman, however willing to get married, would avoid talking to you.

I suggest you stop seeking a spouse for the time being. You should get involved in other things in order to free yourself from worrying too much.

We are programmed to keep moving. Work well, read well and watch as many films as possible. Also eat well and be active and work up a sweat. Fill your daily schedule with chores and entertainment.

By the time you meet somebody, you will have plenty of topics to talk about. You will be charming and full of energy. You might not welcome this, but even I might fall in love with you, too.

Hazuki Saisho, writer

(from Sept. 2, 2016, issue)Speech

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