My husband left his job but didn’t tell me, I’m very sad

The Yomiuri Shimbun Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a female company employee in my 40s. A year ago, I learned my husband had left his company without consulting me. Ever since, I’ve been desolate, feeling that we can’t understand each other.

He actually left the company a couple of months earlier and pretended to keep going to work. I noticed it as he had run out of money and began borrowing credit-card loans. We discussed the matter, but he wouldn’t tell me why he left his work. He even grew hostile.

He started working part-time instead while looking for a regular position. He has yet to be successful. Our child goes to private school, which is financially tough for us.

To earn more money, I changed my job to begin working as an insurance salesperson. My in-laws, who live with us, believe I’m still a part-time worker as I tell them nothing about this matter. My husband does not care for me at all. I feel I might as well live away from home, but it’s not cost-effective. I also don’t want to disappoint my own parents.

My work is so demanding and disheartening that I’ve been dispirited. I find myself sobbing when I’m alone. I even want to disappear, leaving my child behind. I try to cheer up myself and live each day that way.

O, Tokyo

Dear Ms. O:

There are two types of problems. One is what can be solved by our own judgment. The other is what can’t be solved without other people’s help.

Your problem is the latter. I suggest you immediately consult with your in-laws, who are in the same household. A household financial crisis is a serious issue for any family. It’s not a matter that you can solve by working more.

If your family members fail to consider any measures seriously, this problem may cause a grave situation beyond your imagination. I recommend you discuss this matter with your in-laws and your husband together. You should once again ask him why he secretly left his job.

At that time, you should patiently listen to him, not blaming him one-sidedly. Get your in-laws’ consent on this point in advance.

If you don’t hear his explanation and let events take their own course, your family will ultimately break down. To avoid the worst situation, you should act quickly.

In short, don’t try to cope with this problem alone. Instead, thoroughly understand that this problem is beyond your own capacity before you get started.

Tatsuro Dekune, writer

(from Oct. 3, 2016, issue)Speech

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