The Yomiuri ShimbunDear Troubleshooter:
I’m a homemaker in my early 40s. My husband got dead drunk and threw up in my brand-new car. Before then, I had respected him because I thought he was an earnest person, but because of this incident, my love for him has totally faded.
We’ve been married for two decades and have no children.
My husband was offered alcohol at my younger sister’s house and drank a lot. Sure enough, he was staggering when we left, and although he is usually a calm and quiet person, he spoke to me in a domineering tone. I felt contempt for him.
He got in the car, and I started to drive. He soon said, “I feel sick,” and threw up. While cleaning my soiled car, I was so miserable I couldn’t stop crying.
Ever since, I recall the incident whenever I see him. The memory was so unbearable that I didn’t want to eat with him. We now eat separately.
He hasn’t had a drink since that incident and works earnestly. Nevertheless, I even consider divorcing him when I recall that day.
I, Yamanashi Prefecture
Dear Ms. I:
Your ardent love for him immediately faded because of this experience, just as a famous Japanese proverb says, “Hyakunen no koi mo isshun ni shite sameru” (Even a 100-year romance suddenly cools off). You respected and loved your husband for more than two decades. As a man, I envy your husband because he has been loved for such a long time.
So, let’s think about your future.
How does your husband feel about you? He’s probably noticed the change in your attitude because you don’t eat with him any more. However, he doesn’t get angry, continues working diligently and hands over his salary to you.
So it all depends on your view of life.
Divorcing him to look for a new love may be an option. To do so, you need to become financially independent. You will need to get a job and make other preparations for that time.
Another option is to consider this matter rationally and continue living with him by responding to his sincerity. You don’t have to try to restrain your emotions too much. Nobody knows how long you’ll keep disliking your husband.
Hopefully, you’ll find something you can take an interest in outside your home. It may also be good for you to wait for the day when you don’t dislike him any more, perhaps while chatting with friends.
It’s up to you to choose how to live your life. I hope you’ll live a happy life again.
Masahiro Yamada, professor