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I was abandoned by the boyfriend I lent money to

The Yomiuri ShimbunDear Troubleshooter:

I’m a woman in my early 20s. I’ve been suddenly abandoned by my boyfriend, who I dated for 1½ years.

“I don’t love you any more. I’m bored of you,” my boyfriend said. He often borrowed money from me. He usually wasn’t punctual, nor was he faithful to his own words. He sometimes offended me by making insulting remarks about my appearance. He even falsely boasted to people that he bought me luxury items, which I myself had actually bought.

I’ve now recognized that my boyfriend used me just as a tool to make him look great. When I complained about the money he had borrowed from me and had yet to return, he said: “You are rich, so don’t complain. I’ll return it to you sooner or later.”

I knew I would feel sad breaking up, even with such a bad man like him, and therefore I felt scared about it. I believe I depended on our relationship. Since we started to date, I believed the honeyed words he would tell me once in a while, and I expected he would change himself some time.

I arranged our last meeting to express my gratitude. I hoped at that time that he would apologize to me by repenting at least a little bit. On the contrary, his attitude to me couldn’t be worse. I’ve been so frustrated that I haven’t been eating well since that time.

I know it’s me who is to blame as I wasn’t a good judge of character, but I have no idea how to cope with this.

O, Chiba Prefecture

Dear Ms. O:

You should give up on him, saying to yourself that you’ve learned a lesson.

If you can give up on something, it’s a sign of personal growth. You may attract attention from a similar man if you bother yourself with lingering affection for him any longer.

So you should mature and make efforts not to have an awful time anymore. You can learn and live a life this way.

I want to stress that whether it’s a man or a woman, someone who is loose with money is usually loose with everything. You should not have a relationship with such a person. It has nothing to do with whether that person is poor or wealthy, talented or not.

Try to pick someone who is scrupulous about money for your boyfriend. Such a person knows time is precious, is faithful to his words, and is particularly considerate of you.

If you want to get rid of the stress you’re suffering, just look down on him. Be confident in you, instead, by convincing yourself that it’s not your fault.

Moreover, you should not blame yourself. If you become fainthearted, you’ll be back at the point when you were bewitched by him. A similar man is waiting for such a moment to come so he can get an advantage. Make sure to hold on, or you will suffer again.

Tatsuro Dekune, writer

(from July 5, 2017, issue)Speech

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