The Yomiuri ShimbunDear Troubleshooter:
I’m a male third-year student in high school who is preparing for university entrance exams. I have two romantic problems.
One is that I’ve asked a classmate for some time alone with her because I want to tell her I love her. However, she’s turned me down as many as four times. I’ve loved her since last June. A friend of hers told me that she said she’s busy preparing for entrance exams.
It makes a lot of sense that we have no time for a relationship, because both of us should be committed to preparing for the exams. At the same time, however, I’m really impatient because our high school life is almost over.
The other problem is that I’m under pressure from my parents and cousins, who say, “Haven’t you had a girlfriend yet?” All of them had already seen someone when they were in junior high school. I’m the only one who hasn’t, even though I’m already in my final year in high school. However, they don’t give me reasonable advice.
Both my problems could be immediately solved if my classmate became my girlfriend. I’m wondering whether I should move forward or wait a while, or totally give up.
What’s your advice?
S, Tochigi Prefecture
Dear Mr. S:
Wow! You’re trying to solve two romance-related problems at once. One problem is telling your classmate about your feelings, and the other is that you’re annoyed by the pressure from your family and relatives to get a girlfriend. As you just said, if she accepts your love, you can solve the two problems together.
However, do you think this is the right time? You’re preparing to take entrance exams, a critical challenge in your life. She’s in the midst of this process, and you — who are also in the middle of it — want to tell her how you feel about her. If you do, she’s certain to doubt your good sense, I’m afraid.
First and foremost, success in a romantic relationship depends a lot on how much you can utilize good chances at the right time, I believe.
However, hearing what you’re doing, I think it’s no wonder you’ve been turned down four times. Of course, I can understand that you’re very impatient, as your high school days are almost over, with very few chances remaining for you. Nevertheless, your romantic feelings will undoubtedly meet a tragic end if you just push this matter.
So, be patient! You’ll at least have a much higher possibility of success if you wait until after graduation.
Regarding the pressure from your family and relatives, you can just dodge it, saying: “Just trust me. I’ll work hard.” After all, your romantic feelings are your own business.
Soichiro Nomura, psychiatrist