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TROUBLESHOOTER / I fell in love with a married woman of a client company

The Yomiuri ShimbunDear Troubleshooter:

I’m a man in my 50s who runs a company. I can’t forget about a woman who works at a client company.

About a month ago, we met on the second-to-last train of the night. It could only be described as a miracle. Really surprised at this coincidence, we got off before our stops and went to an izakaya together. I told her, “I like you,” and she said she did, too. We talked about a lot of things, saying “let’s go to the movies” and “let’s go on a trip.”

When we went drinking 10 days later, I gave her a letter that said, “I really love you.”

Several days later, she told me on social media, “I can’t see you because I’m busy,” so I replied, “Goodbye.” But she also said “I’m looking forward to having dinner together again” in this message. We have still kept in contact with each other.

She’s a lovely woman in her 30s with a husband and a child. I’m an old guy, also with a wife and a kid, but I don’t want to break off the relationship with her. What should I do?

T, Saitama Prefecture

Dear Mr. T:

I once ran into a high school classmate while on a trip to Venice. I was surprised to have such a miraculous encounter, but we parted company after a brief conversation because we both had plans.

Compared with that, running into a person who works at a client company is nothing but a coincidence. You felt it was predestined because you have a crush on her. Because the encounter happened in such a dramatic situation, you become all the more emotional.

I don’t reject your romantic feelings toward her. For her part, she might have expressed friendly feelings toward you because she was tipsy.

But if you use your imagination, you may be able to imagine her daily life. Have you ever imagined, for example, the possibility of her husband seeing your letter to her? An email saying, “Looking forward to having a meal together” is a diplomatic message that could be sent to anybody.

You probably feel anxious that this could be your last love, and your words and deeds seem to reflect wishful thinking. You could be rejected as an annoying old guy. You should cool down for a while and face reality.

Even if you’re able to have a romance with her, she has much more to lose than you. Can you support her and not run away?

I don’t know the extent of your company’s transactions with her firm, but your association with her will most certainly affect your job. You are both adults, so think carefully before taking action.

Hazuki Saisho, writer

(from Nov. 28, 2018, issue) Speech

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